That's my life right now...it feels completely, utterly upside down topsy turvy. Nothing is the same anymore...everything feels different.
The more I think about it, the more I really realize that your 20's are all about everything changing and developing into something completely different from your teen years. Up til now I haven't really felt like I was all that different at the core from when I was 17 or 18 but I think that is maybe changing.
Life is hard. Growing up is fucking HARD and even more difficult is making changes and decisions that you know are going to affect the rest of your life in some way. I am at such a crossroads in terms of who I am, where I am going, what I am doing...
This is really hard for me. All this change, all this uncertainty. All this lost-ness and vastness of the universe and myself in relation to it. I don;t know which way I'm going or where it's going to take me or who, if anyone, will be with me for the journey.
Lost. lost lost lost. I don't know how to find me again, either. I feel empty and overflowing all at the same time...I never thought that was even possible.
I don;t even know what I'm feeling anymore except for completely scared and fucking LOST. My heart is barely hanging by a thread and I don't know what to do except just hang on and breathe.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. This is a lot of weight to carry around inside of me. I need to just let it all out but I am holding onto it for some reason. I can't bring myself to let it go...to feel what needs to be felt and release what needs to be freed.
I have so many people and yet none at the same time. I feel like I've lived inside my head for so long that no one truly knows me anymore...hell I don't even think I know me anymore.
Ebb and flow, let it go.......
i sure as hell am trying
8 comments:
How old are you?
It sounds like it might be your "Saturn Return". When you turn 28, the planets align themselves exactly as they were on the day you were born. It's a time of great discovery and or upheaval for many people.
I'm 23....not quite there yet :)
But I'm 28 in February!
I can really relate- growing up is hard, i'd say it hit me around 25- when I left religion and all. I'm still tryingto figure out where my life is going.
I have to say, I love having my girls young, but I so understand at times why people wait for their 30's! 20's are really a huge time of growth.
Just checking in. Love you mama!
XOXOX
Some people get there early, others get there later. My journey started last year (28) and it's still not finished. I better have my shit striaght by the time I'm 30 or there's gonna be hell to pay. LOL
Heya Sweetie!
the twenties are so hard, you are indeed laying a foundation. Can I just say that you are so unbelievably ahead of the game at 23? Maybe thats why it seems so very burdensome; you are really working at it hard.
I am at the end of my thirties, and can honestly tell you that it gets better. Somehow I have learned to know and like myself in the past year or so.
(((Sparrowmama)))
I have so many people and yet none at the same time.
i hear you loud and clear babe.
you know that you've got me.
love love love.
I am so blessed to have women like you in my life. Thank you for loving me from afar, it means a lot
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