Dammit. I was being so good about the crap and sugar and here I am now two days into a disgusting sugar binge. yet again. Argh. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to start over and avoid the crap like the plague. Why is this so hard for me?!! Maybe I just have no willpower.
Not much else to report, really...life is the same old same old around here. Tomorrow I have my phone appointment with my personal coach at MCU to set up my Major Map (course outline) and I am going to request to have my courses activated now instead of waiting until May. Another woman who is in the study group was able to have hers activated in the middle of a semester, so I'm hoping they'll do the same for me. I'd like to be able to get started and into the swing of things before this baby is born!
22 weeks now...holy crap! Feeling really good for the most part, aside from my usual cruddy self-esteem/body image issues. It gets easier as I look less and less dumpy, and more obviously pregnant. I packed away all the clothes I've outgrown today...that's always depressing. It sucks to have to put away the things I love to wear! I'm down to one pair of jeans that still fit, and a handful of shirts. Not sure what I'm going to do about that...I hate maternity clothes. Most of the stuff available is geared towards 30-something working women, which I am not! It's all too frumpy and ugly for me, and not at all my style. I'll probably end up going to a couple second hand maternity places and scrounging for jeans to alter so they feel more like me and my style.
I got word today that our birth centre is closing because it's too costly to run. I am so SO saddened by this news. Yet another blow to the already shitty birth culture and environment here in Alberta. This centre was the only one it's kind in Alberta and Western Canada...a fully operational, freestanding birth centre not attached to a hospital. I feel sick...I can't believe it's being closed down. And I worry about what will happen to the midwives whose clinic is in the basement of the centre, I'm assuming that the house will be sold because it's costing too much money to upkeep. What the fuck is wrong with this picture??? Here I sit, in the wealthiest province in Canada, in one of the wealthiest cities with an insane boom going on and the fucking government can't pay for midwives or our birth centre so that women can actually have a choice in how they are cared for prenatally and where they birth??? This sucks ass and I feel totally sick about it but I have no idea what to do. I feel like a really really important piece of the birth community in Calgary is dying with the closure of the centre. We hold our doula meetings there, we have our weekly midwifery study group meetings there, so many women are cared for and nurtured every week by their midwives there. What is going to become of all of that?
This all comes back to resolidifying for me why I am embarking on this midwifery journey now. I can't sit back and watch this happen to my profession and passion. There is something inherantly wrong with the fact that the city can build towers and houses and sprawl the urbanity like crazy in this city, but they are closing down a seriously important part of the birth community and a service to pregnant women.
I feel so helpless.
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