Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm trying to figure out where to go with this blog, and with this life of mine.  Everything has turned topsy-turvy once again and I am feeling lost, unsettled, unfocused, uninspired.  I know I want to feel productive, useful, happy.  I just have no idea how to get there or where to go from here.  2.5 years into the upheaval of life as I knew it and I feel like I am no farther ahead than I was when I began.  I have grown into myself a lot, but I still feel such an sense of... something.  Unsettled is the best way I can describe it.  I feel like I am in a constant state of just coping, without ever really making any progress beyond that.  Part of me would like to believe that some peace and calm are ahead for me, but I have been repeating that to myself for over two years now without much fruition.  There have been periods where I have felt mostly okay... mostly like myself, filled with hope and love.  The past year especially had me feeling like I was starting to hit my stride, that I was coming into a place in my heart that felt right and good.  Life has shifted again though, as it does, and now I'm back in the stage of re-evaluating and taking inventory.  Some days I'm okay... others less so.  I am trying to be gentle with myself and give myself the time and space I need to navigate my way out of this place and into another.  I'm not accomplishing much, but that's okay for now.  Right now I just need to focus on my breath and my heart.  The sun always rises again tomorrow, and no matter what, I will be okay.

1 comment:

Risa said...

Let me know if you figure it out, cuz I still haven't. You'd think by 40 I'd know what I wanted to be when I growed up, eh? :-)