You’ll fall in love so many times that you’ll lose count and it’ll shake you.

so, I've been lying awake since 2:30am... A combination of anxiety from being premenstrual, and anxiety from the upcoming week. It's going to be a busy week at work (a new coordinator, plus the intake of 20 new clients); but more than that... she is going to be contacting me today or tomorrow. And I can't shake the fear of having to face her and yet again tell her that it is over, and I am done. 

Anyways. I was laying here sort of meditating on what I would say, justifying (to myself) in my head all the reasons why I feel the way I do, creating poetry in my mind with the heartbreak and freedom that this provides me. And then I came across this poem and it was exactly, perfectly what I needed to read. 

"Leave if your love hurts you.

Leave if it is always more pain than it is joy.

Contrary to what they’ll tell you,

Love does not make the world spin around.

You can want someone, baby.

You can want them until you’re raw.

That kind of longing can turn you into water after a live wire has been thrown into it.

It can turn you into the hand holding that wire,

But that doesn’t mean it’s right.

It doesn’t mean you should stay.

Don’t hang round just because you’re scared that you’ll never feel that kind of electricity again.

It’s not true, it never was.

The thing is, you were made to be touched by hands,

Attached to a body that finds itself at rest when it’s with you.

That finds itself quietly trembling when you’re together.

Those hands need to come with gentle words and an honest mouth.

A mouth that says your name in a way that sounds like the very definition of “falling.”

So don’t take less than that.

Don’t take half of that.

Above all, if it hurts, go.

You’ll fall in love so many times that you’ll lose count and it’ll shake you.

Tiny vibrations like tectonic plates with every stranger who you looked into the eyes and made your body feel new.

Find a love that makes you feel new, and better.

Always like you’re moving and staying still at the exact same time.

Grow, expand, and if it hurts, leave.”

– Azra. T. “Lessons #2