What a crazy journey this is, raising children while I'm essentially growing into my adult self. A hard one, but one that is so profound and soul stirring for me as well.
I was thinking the other night about how hard I have been seeking balance and spirituality in my life, and how I am starting to feel both desperate and discouraged that it's not presenting itself to me yet. Maybe I'm looking too hard, maybe I'm not listening closely enough. Maybe I'm just not ready for those lessons that are tailored to my growth. Or maybe I'm just totally looking in the wrong places. I have no idea. All I know is that I feel SO compelled to create a community for myself, to find some ritual and spirituality within myself that was once there but has been dormant and pushed away for a long time. I don't know how to get it back! Sometimes I feel as though I am waiting for someone to help me find it, although I know that logistically it is me and only me who can do that for myself.
I want to do so many things. I want to BE so many things for myself. I want to connect deeper with myself, which will in turn allow me to connect more deeply with the Goddess and the earth. And my partner. I need that so badly right now...
~~~~~~~~~~
I found out tonight that my baby cousin (who is 22 lol) is pregnant!! OMG! She thinks she's due around the same time as I am, which is so cool! I have to call her tomorrow, she told my aunt (who told my mom) that she's scared and she wants to talk to me. Funny, I almost feel like I've already had this conversation with her before..in a dream or something. I can't believe that she's pregnant...I still see her as this hair-obsessed 11 year old LOL Or this totally sweet 7 year old who I used to play Barbie's with. I can't believe I get to help usher her into motherhood. And I am excited, as well, that I get to help prepare her for it, and answer her questions along the way. At least she'll be getting some good advice instead of crap advice from crap books or crap doctors.
4 comments:
Wait a minute, you played with Barbies? I can't picture it. I CAN picture you beheading a Barbie though.
Hmm, in my minds eye I see a 7 year old Crystal colouring and possibly watching the Ninja Turtles, but I can't see you Playing Barbie.
P.s I use to wash Barbie's hair and then make her have sex with Ken. I'd hide in my closet afraid that someone would walk in and take my Barbie's away if they were caught doing that.
lol
crystal and chantal, i used to draw pubic hair on barbie, give her a buzz cut, THEN make her have sex with ken. lol
that is so cool about your cousin being pg the same time as you. think what a gift you will be to her during this time and vice vs.
OMg!! LOL that is the funniest thing I have ever heard, Calmom LOL!
oh babe, i'm with you. the only thing i can say is meditation/yoga seems to be a great way to get in touch with yourself....but finding time to have a meaningful practice with two little ones...well, i imagine it is quite difficult.
one techinique a friend told me is doing three solid minutes every morning and every night of just breathing....and concentrating only on your breath....can be helpful...
cant wait to see you at xmas! i hope i will get to this year!!!
love,jackie
Post a Comment