blah.
life is rough right now. my relationship is totally in the pits, and it has me wondering if I should even stick around, or if he even wants me to. Apparently, this was not the life he wanted, nor is it as hunky-fucking-dory as he has led me to believe. Funny how a surprise third pregnancy can bring out a person's real feelings after hiding them for so long. All along I've said that there has been something off, but I couldn't put my finger on it...and all along he's said that everything is fine, nothing has changed etc etc. Now he backpedals and says he never wanted this life, never wanted these kids...after reassuring me for years that although it's not what he may have chosen, it something that he was okay and happy with.
i don't even know what to do, or where to begin, or what to think. yes, a single mother of three is exactly how I envisioned my life...and yet, it is strangely appealing in some fucked up ways. No one to rely on but myself, no one to nag at or bitch at or worry about but my kids. Just me and my kids in our groove that we would find. not as simple as that, I know. oh I'm well aware.
fuck...why does everything have to be so goddamn complicated?!
5 comments:
hey mama.
i'm sorry to hear things are rough with you and your man. i'm here if you need to talk ...you know that.
we could buy some land and start a single mama bithting/artist eco-village. grow herbs. help women have babies. and play in the mud...
i'm serious!!!
lots of love
hello my love.
i send you my hugs and love and support. truth is, i could totally imagine you doing anything you set your mind to. you are one of the most proactive self-starting self-nurturing people i've ever met and i know you would find a way to make that be reality for you and your babies in any world....
keep me posted....
love jackie
Much love to you, and peace - whatever road this leads you down, I have complete and total faith that you will make it work in the absolute best way for you and for your children.
You're a strong, centered woman.
Blessings,
Lea
Jaylene; you have no idea how fucking great that sounds right now. Hell, it would sound great anytime, but especially now since i'm feeling so desperate and alone. Damn I miss you woman!!
Jackie; Thank you for that babe...sometimes I think you have more confidence in me that I do in myself! I love ya and can't wait to see you at Christmas :)
Lea; Thank you for having faith in me. It really really means a lot, mama.
I have you on my mind, mama! Hopefully things will improve.
Peace,
K.
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