First, can I just say that I don't know what has changed within my relationship with Jes in the last few days, but whatever it is I hope it stays!! Woohoohoo!!! My libido is back baby, after three goddamn years of stagnant sex I am one happy fucking camper (nice pun eh? lol). Saaaaawweeeeeeet.
*ahem* so yes. I am getting action and a lot of it and enjoying it for once. Yay! Oh I'm sorry, is that too much information? Too bad, you already read it lol
Not much else is really new on this end...I'm on call with three clients due August 3, 4 and 14th so I'm keeping things pretty low key while waiting for "The Call". I attended a birth on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning for another doula friend who was out of town...that was a nice and unexpected experience. I was only there for 14 hours, which seems like a long time to most of you, but for me it's a kind of nice change. I seem to attract the women who labour for 20+ hours and those are hard, emotionally and physically.
Speaking of babies...dude I want another baby soooo freaking bad right now. I gots the baby fever like nobody's business. I know I know...I basically *just* had a baby (ok, 15 months ago, but still!). Seems like this is a cyclic thing for me, I got pregnant with Faeryn when Nova was 14 months old so I am currently breaking my own record for being not pregnant. LOL! Being a doula is a good and dangerous thing for me, I think...in some ways it really helps to satiate my love of pregnancy and birth, but in others I think it just feeds the desire. Jesse is SO not on board with having another baby, he says he's done and happy with the two we have. But, he hasn't made any permenant changes either, if you know what I mean, so part of me thinks that he might change his mind in a year or so. My fingers are crossed, at least. What can I say...I love being pregnant, I love giving birth (as twisted as that sounds to some of you), I love babies...I love it all. It's not always easy and it's definetely not always a cake walk, but the benefits and rewards far outweigh any of the difficult, trying, frustrating moments.
My new motto lately is "Never say never"...cause you just never know when your perspective might change or be changed by something or someone. I think it's just more of life teaching me to be more open to ALL the possibilities that are out there, not limiting oneself to what you *think* are definetes...you know?
I am very excited for Sunday. I am taking a one day workshop on making your own body care products, specifically lotions and salves etc. I've actually been approached by an online mama friend who has asked me to develop a natural baby care line that she can sell on her website! Crazy. I think I may just go for it, though...I really enjoy making my own skin care stuff and it could be a neat thing for me to explore. Here's hoping that one of my clients doesn't call me in labour on Sunday morning!!
OH, I wanted to share this website link with you:
http://spiralingmoon.livejournal.com/2004/09/06/
Personally, I think this is some pretty cool stuff. A lot of people probably think it;s a little (or a lot) weird and gross, but I really like the idea and think that the artwork is beautiful and unique. I know that most women loathe their menses and the bleeding and all that, but it really is such a special rite of womanhood, too. Yeah it can suck, it sometimes hurts and you feel crappy...but the connection of the cycles to the moon, and just the earthly beauty of Mother Nature's plan in it....it can be a beautiful thing too, you know? Embracing it instead of being negative about it is helping me feel more connected to myself and my earth roots, so I'm going with it.
Ok, that's enough rambling for one post, I think! Have a beautiful night everyone~
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Just a little something to share...
This is something I have dubbed a poessay...not quite an essay (although it was supposed to be) but definetely poetry. I had to write this as a part of my registration to become a doula and I wanted to share it with you. I am infinitely proud of how this evolved...
The Value and Purpose of Labour Support
I am a doula.
I speak with my voice, but also with my heart and my hands.
I massage backs and squeeze hips; stroke legs and wipe foreheads.
I whisper words of encouragement in moments of exhaustion and revel in the glow of a labouring woman’s energy.
I educate, inform, reassure and comfort with my knowledge and experience. I turn ‘informed consent’ into informed choice.
I help women have faith in their bodies, their babies and the fact that thousands of years of evolution cannot be wrong.
I assist couples and individuals in creating birth environments that they feel safe, secure and comfortable in.
I protect the space surrounding the childbearing family by acting as a filter and cushion between the outside world and the labouring.
I meet with families not only when they are in labour, but before and after as well.
I help to dispel myths and ease fears.
I include fathers and partners so that they can be as involved in the birth experience as they wish to be.
I give strength, energy and hope when a woman feels hopeless and weary.
I hold hands, cradle faces, lock eyes and facilitate breathing for hours on end.
I am a professional, a friend, and a confidant.
I provide families with clear, concise, unbiased information and access to resources so they can make choices that are best for their situations.
I give women the confidence and guts to advocate for themselves when faced with adversity.
I am calm and firm, soft and strong, patient and eager.
I believe in a woman’s body and ability to achieve anything she sets her heart on.
I walk halls, climb stairs, and do lunges and squats.
I help mothers learn how to latch and hold their new nurslings.
I am a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to express frustration at, a body to grab when a contraction takes over.
I empathize.
I am on call for clients day and night and always show up with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
I document the birth on paper and in pictures. I can capture the essence of the moment in a single photograph.
I provide continuous emotional and physical support regardless of the outcome. I am in this for the journey as well as the final destination of birth.
I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a mentor.
I believe that birth is normal, natural and safe.
I help families fulfill their birth wishes and achieve the things that they feel are important.
I am blessed and honoured to be able to be a part of such a momentous, spiritual event in the lives of women and their families.
I am a doula.
The Value and Purpose of Labour Support
I am a doula.
I speak with my voice, but also with my heart and my hands.
I massage backs and squeeze hips; stroke legs and wipe foreheads.
I whisper words of encouragement in moments of exhaustion and revel in the glow of a labouring woman’s energy.
I educate, inform, reassure and comfort with my knowledge and experience. I turn ‘informed consent’ into informed choice.
I help women have faith in their bodies, their babies and the fact that thousands of years of evolution cannot be wrong.
I assist couples and individuals in creating birth environments that they feel safe, secure and comfortable in.
I protect the space surrounding the childbearing family by acting as a filter and cushion between the outside world and the labouring.
I meet with families not only when they are in labour, but before and after as well.
I help to dispel myths and ease fears.
I include fathers and partners so that they can be as involved in the birth experience as they wish to be.
I give strength, energy and hope when a woman feels hopeless and weary.
I hold hands, cradle faces, lock eyes and facilitate breathing for hours on end.
I am a professional, a friend, and a confidant.
I provide families with clear, concise, unbiased information and access to resources so they can make choices that are best for their situations.
I give women the confidence and guts to advocate for themselves when faced with adversity.
I am calm and firm, soft and strong, patient and eager.
I believe in a woman’s body and ability to achieve anything she sets her heart on.
I walk halls, climb stairs, and do lunges and squats.
I help mothers learn how to latch and hold their new nurslings.
I am a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to express frustration at, a body to grab when a contraction takes over.
I empathize.
I am on call for clients day and night and always show up with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
I document the birth on paper and in pictures. I can capture the essence of the moment in a single photograph.
I provide continuous emotional and physical support regardless of the outcome. I am in this for the journey as well as the final destination of birth.
I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a mentor.
I believe that birth is normal, natural and safe.
I help families fulfill their birth wishes and achieve the things that they feel are important.
I am blessed and honoured to be able to be a part of such a momentous, spiritual event in the lives of women and their families.
I am a doula.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Upside down and all around
That's my life right now...it feels completely, utterly upside down topsy turvy. Nothing is the same anymore...everything feels different.
The more I think about it, the more I really realize that your 20's are all about everything changing and developing into something completely different from your teen years. Up til now I haven't really felt like I was all that different at the core from when I was 17 or 18 but I think that is maybe changing.
Life is hard. Growing up is fucking HARD and even more difficult is making changes and decisions that you know are going to affect the rest of your life in some way. I am at such a crossroads in terms of who I am, where I am going, what I am doing...
This is really hard for me. All this change, all this uncertainty. All this lost-ness and vastness of the universe and myself in relation to it. I don;t know which way I'm going or where it's going to take me or who, if anyone, will be with me for the journey.
Lost. lost lost lost. I don't know how to find me again, either. I feel empty and overflowing all at the same time...I never thought that was even possible.
I don;t even know what I'm feeling anymore except for completely scared and fucking LOST. My heart is barely hanging by a thread and I don't know what to do except just hang on and breathe.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. This is a lot of weight to carry around inside of me. I need to just let it all out but I am holding onto it for some reason. I can't bring myself to let it go...to feel what needs to be felt and release what needs to be freed.
I have so many people and yet none at the same time. I feel like I've lived inside my head for so long that no one truly knows me anymore...hell I don't even think I know me anymore.
Ebb and flow, let it go.......
i sure as hell am trying
The more I think about it, the more I really realize that your 20's are all about everything changing and developing into something completely different from your teen years. Up til now I haven't really felt like I was all that different at the core from when I was 17 or 18 but I think that is maybe changing.
Life is hard. Growing up is fucking HARD and even more difficult is making changes and decisions that you know are going to affect the rest of your life in some way. I am at such a crossroads in terms of who I am, where I am going, what I am doing...
This is really hard for me. All this change, all this uncertainty. All this lost-ness and vastness of the universe and myself in relation to it. I don;t know which way I'm going or where it's going to take me or who, if anyone, will be with me for the journey.
Lost. lost lost lost. I don't know how to find me again, either. I feel empty and overflowing all at the same time...I never thought that was even possible.
I don;t even know what I'm feeling anymore except for completely scared and fucking LOST. My heart is barely hanging by a thread and I don't know what to do except just hang on and breathe.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. This is a lot of weight to carry around inside of me. I need to just let it all out but I am holding onto it for some reason. I can't bring myself to let it go...to feel what needs to be felt and release what needs to be freed.
I have so many people and yet none at the same time. I feel like I've lived inside my head for so long that no one truly knows me anymore...hell I don't even think I know me anymore.
Ebb and flow, let it go.......
i sure as hell am trying
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
You are my sunshine...
Just a little teaser post until i can get my ass in gear and actually make a real blog entry!
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