That was the sound of my baby's heartbeat Tuesday afternoon :) I had my first midwife appointment. I'm over 12 weeks already! Holy crap! I've already placed my order for a head-down baby so I can finally have my waterbirth lol It was so good to see Jane (my midwife) and start this whole process again. I go back and forth between trying not to psych myself out with the "can I do this again?? am I really strong enough??" and trying not to get too cocky because I deal with labour on such a regular basis. Sometimes, being a doula while going through the pregnancy and birth process is a great thing...I am well informed, know what my options are, it's not all Greek to me. But other times, I think it has the potential to work against me. It's hard not to doula yourself while in labour, and it's easy to forget that even though I am so familiar with labour and it's logistics, I still have to prepare myself spiritually and emotionally. That's my serious goal for this pregnancy...to really ground myself and connect with myself and my baby. Not that I haven't done that with my past pregnancies, but I feel compelled to really make sure I am paying attention to taking care of my emotional and spiritual self this time around. Maybe it's because I know that this is my last baby and I want to savour every little piece of this pregnancy I can, or maybe it's something more that I just haven't figured out yet. All I know is that I am completely and totally read to let it all go and give it up to the universe, whatever happens with this pregnancy and this labour/birth...Faeryn's birth definetely taught me that. I need to read Birthing From Within again...
Anyways, as I was saying...I have plans for this pregnancy and this year. Plans to keep searching for the ever elusive "balance", plans to start meditating more and doing yoga, plans to just keep trying to find myself and feel like I'm adding some meaning for myself in my life. I feel like a broken record lol
Ok, off to bed with me. It's 11:30pm on Christmas Eve, I have honey'd cranberry sauce cooling on the stovetop and my man is snoring away on the couch lol Happy Holidays everyone
~
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Beautiful girl
My best friend had her baby girl this morning at 6:34am; 5 weeks early! Babe is doing so well though, everything looks perfect. I am so happy and relieved. She's teeny! 5lbs 10oz and just under 18 inches long. I can't wait to take more pictures of her...oh the possibilities!! I'm riding that birth high wave again because I got to support my friend during this birth. Her boyfriend was seriously freaked out so it was mostly just her and I and our breath together for the entire labour. It was a really amazing thing to experience with someone I am so close with. Wow.
Welcome to the world, Mystique Crystal :) You are my beautiful, beautiful girlie and I can't wait to watch you grow~
Welcome to the world, Mystique Crystal :) You are my beautiful, beautiful girlie and I can't wait to watch you grow~
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Enough bitching already!
My last two posts have been totally whiney and complainey...so this one won't be. Yay.
Christmas is in 11 days. Holy shit. I am so not ready...I don't even have half of my shopping done. I haven't left things this late in a really long time, like YEARS. I think I was still in high school the last time I left it down to the wire like this. Every year I vow I will finish by the beginning of December, but I never accomplish that. Why is it that December seems to fly by like crazy?! I don't know if it's just because I have kids now (and so the years just fly like nothing) or if I'm getting old or what, but Christmas seems to come and go faster and faster every year lately. What happened to the days of my childhood, when the days and nights of December seemed to crawl like frozen molasses?
I scored Eric Clapton tickets for Jesse and I for his March show. I am soooo stoked. Jesse had been hassling me about getting tickets all week the week that they went on sale. The day they went on sale he text messaged me saying "Clapton is GOD...try and get tickets!!". I had already told him I thought they were too expensive, etc etc but was secretly planning on buying some anyways. I got two in a pretty decent spot on the second level of the 'Dome. Then, about 10 minutes after, I texted him back saying "OMG babe, I'm SO sorry...I totally forgot and just got this text now and they're all sold out!". He was super bummed. I keep going back and forth about giving them to him for Christmas, or waiting until March and giving them to him on our anniversary (our anniversary is March 7, the concert is the end of March). I don't know if I can keep it a secret that long, so they'll probably be Christmas presents in his stocking. Heehee. I love being sneaky. Especially since it's so fuckin' EASY with this man o' mine lol
Things are okayish here otherwise on the relationship front...not super-wonderful-terrific but not terrible either. It probably is due largely to the fact that we are just avoiding the topic of the baby/pregnancy right now. He is sort of coming around, I think. I *think*. But, we haven't really talked about it either, so I really don't know. He's a mysterious one; here I thought I had him mostly figured out, and then I'm sent into this crazy whirlpool of really questioning what I actually knew and what I just assumed. Funny how long-term relationships can do that to you...you think you know everything after a while, but then the universe kicks you in the arse and says "Ha! Humble up there, don't be so cocky" and boots you back to reality. Gawd I love that. I love that I can be reminded again and again that no matter how old I get, or how comfortable in my life I get, or how much I think I know, there's always more that I have no idea about at all.
I need to get my ass to a yoga class. My body and brain are screamin' at me to GO TO YOGA but I just can't seem to find the time. I also need to haul my butt to the gym...it has been an embarrassingly long time since I stepped foot in there. Like months...I can't even remember the last time. Those two things would probably help me a LOT right now, especially since I'm in my usual early pregnancy "I feel like a goddamn fat ass hippo because I don't look pregnant to anyone but me yet" phase.
Oops, that was borderline whining. Divert, distract!
Actually, I should probably get myself to bed. It's 12:30am and I have to get up early to go to an appointment with a potential client tomorrow morning. Then, it's off the Ikea for Christmas shopping. Wheeee!!
Take care friends :)
Christmas is in 11 days. Holy shit. I am so not ready...I don't even have half of my shopping done. I haven't left things this late in a really long time, like YEARS. I think I was still in high school the last time I left it down to the wire like this. Every year I vow I will finish by the beginning of December, but I never accomplish that. Why is it that December seems to fly by like crazy?! I don't know if it's just because I have kids now (and so the years just fly like nothing) or if I'm getting old or what, but Christmas seems to come and go faster and faster every year lately. What happened to the days of my childhood, when the days and nights of December seemed to crawl like frozen molasses?
I scored Eric Clapton tickets for Jesse and I for his March show. I am soooo stoked. Jesse had been hassling me about getting tickets all week the week that they went on sale. The day they went on sale he text messaged me saying "Clapton is GOD...try and get tickets!!". I had already told him I thought they were too expensive, etc etc but was secretly planning on buying some anyways. I got two in a pretty decent spot on the second level of the 'Dome. Then, about 10 minutes after, I texted him back saying "OMG babe, I'm SO sorry...I totally forgot and just got this text now and they're all sold out!". He was super bummed. I keep going back and forth about giving them to him for Christmas, or waiting until March and giving them to him on our anniversary (our anniversary is March 7, the concert is the end of March). I don't know if I can keep it a secret that long, so they'll probably be Christmas presents in his stocking. Heehee. I love being sneaky. Especially since it's so fuckin' EASY with this man o' mine lol
Things are okayish here otherwise on the relationship front...not super-wonderful-terrific but not terrible either. It probably is due largely to the fact that we are just avoiding the topic of the baby/pregnancy right now. He is sort of coming around, I think. I *think*. But, we haven't really talked about it either, so I really don't know. He's a mysterious one; here I thought I had him mostly figured out, and then I'm sent into this crazy whirlpool of really questioning what I actually knew and what I just assumed. Funny how long-term relationships can do that to you...you think you know everything after a while, but then the universe kicks you in the arse and says "Ha! Humble up there, don't be so cocky" and boots you back to reality. Gawd I love that. I love that I can be reminded again and again that no matter how old I get, or how comfortable in my life I get, or how much I think I know, there's always more that I have no idea about at all.
I need to get my ass to a yoga class. My body and brain are screamin' at me to GO TO YOGA but I just can't seem to find the time. I also need to haul my butt to the gym...it has been an embarrassingly long time since I stepped foot in there. Like months...I can't even remember the last time. Those two things would probably help me a LOT right now, especially since I'm in my usual early pregnancy "I feel like a goddamn fat ass hippo because I don't look pregnant to anyone but me yet" phase.
Oops, that was borderline whining. Divert, distract!
Actually, I should probably get myself to bed. It's 12:30am and I have to get up early to go to an appointment with a potential client tomorrow morning. Then, it's off the Ikea for Christmas shopping. Wheeee!!
Take care friends :)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mamas Night Out
This is the first one I've participated in...the AP playgroup mamas get together fairly often for dinners out together. We went to The King & I downtown. I've never had "real" Thai food before, only the stuff I've made at home. I had Chu Chi Kai, which is chicken and veggies in a basil-coconut milk sauce. It was so good...SOOOO good! Not spicy either, which is something I was worried about going to a Thai restaurant. Not a big spicy fan here. I must find out how to replicate that sauce...yummmmm.
I got home and promptly gave it all to my toilet >:( . Dammit. It did not taste as good coming back up as it did going down, that's for darn sure. The ride home did me in...apparently I can't be a passenger in a car right now even if I'm in the front seat. Farking hormones.
I got home and promptly gave it all to my toilet >:( . Dammit. It did not taste as good coming back up as it did going down, that's for darn sure. The ride home did me in...apparently I can't be a passenger in a car right now even if I'm in the front seat. Farking hormones.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
All the lovely early pregnancy things...
I'm trying really hard not to whine and complain this time around because no one really wants to listen to a whiney preggo! That, and I'm just trying to keep it to myself so as not to create unnecessary friction twixt Jes and I. (on a side note...I really love that word...twixt...such a cool and under-used word!)
But, I'm going to whine just a litttttle bit today because I feel like it. lol Up until a week or two ago I have felt really good! But the overdrive gag reflex has kicked into gear which SUCKS. The taste of my toothpaste in the back of my throat (you know that minty fresh feeling? yeah, that) makes me wanna puke. And then the whole brushing the molars things...lovely. Poor Nova gets all worried when I start in with the involuntary gagging...she gets this really concerned look on her face and asks me if I'm okay.
All day nausea kinda sucks rocks too...I had it with Faeryn too but hopefully it will go away soon. I've been lucky with my last two pregnancies that I haven't been sick as a dog for much longer past the 12 week mark, so I'm crossin' my fingers that this baby cooperates the same!
And then there's the whole body image thing. I really have a hard time with the weight gain part of pregnancy, even though cognitively I know that it's necessary! It seems like as soon as I start feeling really positive about my body, I get pregnant! Body image is something I struggle with a lot, so watching my pants get tighter and my middle get thicker without quite *looking* pregnant is hard for me. I was feeling really dumpy a few weeks ago because I felt like I was just packing on the pounds (I have no idea, really, because we don't own a scale...likely it is all in my fucked up head/sense of self). This week I feel better though, much less negative about it, at least. It'd be nice to blow my nose and not gag also...apparently the breath passing my throat kicks in that gag reflex. Sheesh.
Oh ya, and the weirdo pregnancy dreams I have! I get these intense, vivid awful nightmares when I'm pregnant. This morning I woke up bawling because I dreamed that Jesse threw himself into a river with a backpack full of rocks strapped to his back. Niiice.
I *swear* I felt the baby move the other night! It was really crazy...especially since I am only 9.5 weeks! But it was there, and quite strong. Totally unmistakable. I could feel it inside as well as outside with my hand...Nova felt it too! And no...I didn't just have to fart really loud *pbblltttt* lol I felt another little twinge last night but it wasn't nearly as distinguishable or long as the other day. I'm excited about this because I love love LOVE the movement part of pregnancy. I really love it all except for this first pukey/gaggy/yucky stuff.
Ok, off to go buy groceries on a Sunday afternoon at Stupidstore (SuperStore)...yes, I *am* crazy. But my fridge is echoing at me, so it's unfortunately necessary!
But, I'm going to whine just a litttttle bit today because I feel like it. lol Up until a week or two ago I have felt really good! But the overdrive gag reflex has kicked into gear which SUCKS. The taste of my toothpaste in the back of my throat (you know that minty fresh feeling? yeah, that) makes me wanna puke. And then the whole brushing the molars things...lovely. Poor Nova gets all worried when I start in with the involuntary gagging...she gets this really concerned look on her face and asks me if I'm okay.
All day nausea kinda sucks rocks too...I had it with Faeryn too but hopefully it will go away soon. I've been lucky with my last two pregnancies that I haven't been sick as a dog for much longer past the 12 week mark, so I'm crossin' my fingers that this baby cooperates the same!
And then there's the whole body image thing. I really have a hard time with the weight gain part of pregnancy, even though cognitively I know that it's necessary! It seems like as soon as I start feeling really positive about my body, I get pregnant! Body image is something I struggle with a lot, so watching my pants get tighter and my middle get thicker without quite *looking* pregnant is hard for me. I was feeling really dumpy a few weeks ago because I felt like I was just packing on the pounds (I have no idea, really, because we don't own a scale...likely it is all in my fucked up head/sense of self). This week I feel better though, much less negative about it, at least. It'd be nice to blow my nose and not gag also...apparently the breath passing my throat kicks in that gag reflex. Sheesh.
Oh ya, and the weirdo pregnancy dreams I have! I get these intense, vivid awful nightmares when I'm pregnant. This morning I woke up bawling because I dreamed that Jesse threw himself into a river with a backpack full of rocks strapped to his back. Niiice.
I *swear* I felt the baby move the other night! It was really crazy...especially since I am only 9.5 weeks! But it was there, and quite strong. Totally unmistakable. I could feel it inside as well as outside with my hand...Nova felt it too! And no...I didn't just have to fart really loud *pbblltttt* lol I felt another little twinge last night but it wasn't nearly as distinguishable or long as the other day. I'm excited about this because I love love LOVE the movement part of pregnancy. I really love it all except for this first pukey/gaggy/yucky stuff.
Ok, off to go buy groceries on a Sunday afternoon at Stupidstore (SuperStore)...yes, I *am* crazy. But my fridge is echoing at me, so it's unfortunately necessary!
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