Facecrack

Two types of facecrack to talk about tonight...the evil Facebook, and (oh you guessed it!) sugar.

First, the sugar. Specifically ice cream. Ice cream be damned!! Why do you have to be so farking addictive?! I've been eating copious amounts of the ice crap and it's just bad bad bad. Bad me. Every day I resolve not to do it, and every day I succumb to the creamy goodbadness. And it's not like I buy it whilst grocery shopping...noooo I have to make late night trips to the expensive convenience store and pay outragous prices to feed the beast. Oy. Pathetic I tell ya. (for the record, i have NOT eaten any sugary crap today at all! This includes ice cream! Woot for me!)

And Facebook. Or Crackbook as i like to call it. I am NOT on Facebook and I think I may be the only person in the Western world still without an account. I have purposely not signed up because everyone I know says that it is addictive as hell and I have enough time-sucking, mindless internet crack as it is. But the last week or so I have felt SO compelled to just sign up. I haven't even allowed myself to visit the Facebook site for fear that my resolve would dissolve immediately and I would create an account in a moment of weakness. Many many of my friends have begged, pleaded, hassled me to get a Facebook account but I have remained steadfast in my anti-Facebookness. "But I found my long lost thisandthat from diapers!" they say..."Such a good networking opportunity!" they say..."I have gotten back in touch with everyone from my schooldays!" they say... I keep telling myself and everyone else that all the people I wanted to stay in contact with from school I am already in contact with...which is true. But then I think of someone who I wonder about periodically and the curiosity starts circling with the evil words "If you had a Facebook account you could find out...."
I need to stay strong!! No Facebook for me! But the curiosity is killing me...

In other news, life is pretty good. I had a really hard week last week and all the people who ever told me that their third week postpartum was their hardest must have jinxed me. I was a big ball of crying hormones last week. These boy hormones must be different from the girl ones...never did I have this kind of hysteria with Nova or Faeryn. Zoinks.
This week is turning out to be better so far, though. I am discovering that more sleep equals happier mama (wow what a revelation. damn I wish this blog stuff had smileys...this would be a perfect spot for a rolling eyes smiley)

So, in the spirit of getting more sleep...to bed I go.

Oof

I was waiting for it...and here it is. Hello hormone freakiness. I spent the better part of yesterday crying my face off over nothing and everything. It all started with watching a totally beautiful video of the birth pics that my doula took during my labour and birth with Indigo. I bawled and didn't really stop all day.
A lot of people I know have said that the three week mark was a really emotional/hormonal/tough one for them. This hasn't been my experience until this time around. This week has been hard and I'm sure it is a culmination of several things, including the fact that Jes has gone back to work.
I'm mostly just ready for the crying to cease. Both on my part and on Faeryn's part. She's been crying a LOT lately when I ask her to wait to nurse or stop nursing and it's just been hard to deal with. My happy happy spunky kid has never cried so much in her life as she has the past 3 weeks I think. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like one shit-ass mama, that's for sure. I know that this will pass and she/we will come out okay, but the interim sucks.
Needless to say, I have gotten nothing done for school this week. But, that would actually be right on par with the goals we set at last week's study group since we actually didn't set any at all LOL!
It's late, I should go to bed.

frustrated...

Ok, so I am working my way through my Bio class. The prof has added a section at the end of each chapter that requires me to translate words from Latin into English. So, dinosaur, for example, would be "thunder lizard". He doesn't want the definition, he wants the roots of the word. Prof says that "some outside research will be required for some words".
Um, actually, it requires me to buy a whole medical terminology dictionary. I was having a hell of a time finding the words he was asking for and finally emailed him asking where I should look. His answer was "You really should invest in a medical terminology text..." Like I don't have enough expenses as it is! Oy! He said that the text required for the terminology course I have to take would suffice, but I just borrowed it from another student/friend and I can't find any of the goddamn words.
ARGH!! So now, I have to order a text and wait some more before I can submit some of these assignments. I have 13 chapters that are pending submission, just waiting for me to find these fucking words so I can hit that "submit assignment" button.
Oy.
I feel very determined to just start cracking off these assignments and courses and get this thing done. My midwife Nadine told me the other day that she managed (somehow!) to finish the entire training in 2.5 years! She was in a similar situation to me...unschooling her kids, she had a newborn and three older children. Part of me feels compelled to just start doing it like gangbusters and see how much I can do...

balance? HA!

I am sort of laughing at myself lately...I've talked a lot about how I am seeking balance in my life and as I sat here this morning in a quiet moment with a 2yo in my lap nursing, a 4yo in my bed sleeping and a 2 week old on my couch snoozing I chuckled and thought "Oh yeah, I'm totally achieving this whole balance thing, aren't I?!"
Things feel a bit crazy around here but for the most part everything is great. The girls seem to be adjusting well to their new brother and I feel really good. Life has just sort of continued on and I am not finding that I'm struggling to find a new normal with the addition of my little-big Indigo. I am, however, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all the other things I have going on...namely SCHOOL. I had a realization the other day that I am not even finished my first course (although I am getting there! I'm about halfway) and I have two more to do AND the next semester starts in September with 4 more courses. Shit! I think my major map is about to go out the window lol (For those of you who are wondering what the hell a major map is, it's the schedule of courses/timeframe that you set out to accomplish with the school. You can change it at any time if you need to, but they also really encourage students to stick with their major maps as closely as possible). I really just have to focus on the here and now and not get ahead of myself because I will surely sink myself if I start getting bogged down and discouraged with "look at all I have to do and all I haven't yet done" thoughts. I got a really nice, encouraging phonecall from a friend and fellow student KC yesterday that really helped to lift my spirits and remind me to just hang in there and not get all freaky. Thanks, KC...I really needed that phone call and I so appreciate you taking the time :)

I've taken more pictures (surprise surprise!!) but I haven't had a chance to upload them yet...I promise I will do that when I have a spare moment (hahahahhahahaha! I'm so funny aren't I).

I had so much more to say here, but I totally forget what it was. I started this post two days ago lol

late night musings

I can't stop looking at the pictures I posted earlier. I love them SO much. My girls are gorgeous, my son is totally beautiful and my man is fucking hot as hell (if I do say so myself lol).
I am feeling very very grateful today for the many blessings in my life. As much as I bitch and complain in moments of frustration, I really couldn't ask for a better partner or better kids.
I'm feeling especially grateful for Jesse today...maybe it's because I have gotten a full week of him home (which never happens!), or maybe it's because he has made me feel totally gorgeous today, but whatever it is...I am one lucky woman. I could not ask for a more supportive, loving, accepting partner. He makes me so proud...proud to have him as my children's father, proud to have him as my life partner, proud to stand by his side as he grows and develops into a really amazing, wonderful man. For all the things that drive me batty about him, there are probably at least 2 more that make me fall in love with him over and over again.

Ok, enough gushing about my fabulous choice in the male species LOL!

I got a call from a childhood friend a few weeks ago. She and I share the same name, lived next door to each other for most of my childhood and were often mistaken for sisters growing up. We still talk to each other occasionally, but life is busy so we don't chat nearly as much as we used to.
Anyways, she called to tell me that her and her fiance have finally set a date for their wedding!! June 7, 2008 :) AND...she asked me to be her maid of honour. I've never been in a wedding before (ok, not true...when my mom got married to her dh I was in the wedding, but that's a little different lol). Sooooo...big incentive for me to get into shape before next June. And I know, I know...I just gave birth a week ago...give myself some time to rest and recoup before setting my sights on weight loss and whatnot. I promise I won't start running right away ;) That's a couple months away still, especially with a nursing babe.
Something I am going to work on in the meantime, though, is getting my eating back on track. Specifically, sugar. Surprise surprise lol I've been really bad about junky food, ice cream especially, and it must cease!! So, back on the no-sugar wagon for me. This should be interesting, coupled with some freaky postpartum hormones...

The little man just woke up with a poopy butt and an empty tummy, so I must sign off for now! Goodnight~

Life is good

Just a quick picture post to satiate your appetites :) We are all doing really really well. My family is fucking beautiful...I am so proud.

Wanna see what I did last night??

I'm pleased to introduce you to my SON!! Indigo Skye, born July 4, 2007 at 11:26pm after 4 hours of labour!! He weighs 9lbs 14oz and is 20.5 inches long with a 38cm (15 inch) head!! And he has red hair just like his big sister! Nova and Faeryn are thrilled to bits :) I'm feeling fucking amazing and am soaring on my waterbirth high :-D

It's official...

...I am currently more pregnant than I have ever been in my entire life lol Nova was born at 39 weeks 4 days, and Faeryn was born at 39 weeks 2 days. As of 50 minutes ago, it is July 3, which means I am now 40 weeks pregnant!
Part of me is a teeny bit surprised I have not given birth yet because of my past history, HOWEVER, a bigger part of me feels deep down that I am holding on to this pregnancy a little longer because I know that this is my last time doing this. Oh, the powers of the psyche, the body, and labour.
It awes me still how each pregnancy and birth can teach you so much. Nova's birth taught me just how empowering a birth experience can be and how strong I really am. Faeryn's taught me surrender. This baby is teaching me patience...and helping me to gently say goodbye to this phase of my life. With the birth of this baby's placenta, my pregnant and birthing days are over for me. Such a sad sad thing for me. And also, in a lot of ways, exciting and scary. Exciting because of what lies ahead for me, my growth as a woman and mama, my life. A new chapter...moving on from personally birthing to guiding and helping women on their own journeys as a student midwife, and eventually a midwife myself. Scary because it's CHANGE and I don't do well with change. Change is scary and unknown and not predictable.

Change is the theme for this year for me, I think. Starting midwifery school and saying goodbye to doulaing (possibly forever, depending on what happens in the next year or so). Becoming a family of 5 and a mother to 3 under the age of 4. Renovating our home of 5 years and transforming it in many ways, with paint and flooring and knocking out the fireplace (among other things). A lot of big stuff seems to be happening this year. Not sure if it's the fact that I'm turning 25 this year, or something to do with the year 2007 in general or what. Who knows. But the theme is definetely change in a big way. Maybe not change so much as expansion...growth...redefinition...

I had something else to talk about, but my brain just farted and now it's gone. Dammit. Well, so much for that post lol