Chantix is the American name for the smoking cessation drug that is called Champtix in Canada. I have heard good things about this drug, until recently when a friend who has been taking it began have very scary hallucinations and suicidal thoughts. Upon some research, she discovered that suicidal thoughts, paranoia, hallucinations, vomiting, and vivid scary dreams are all side effects of the drug. Another friend posted a link to this article about one man's experience with Chantix/Champtix.
Please read it if you are taking it or are considering taking it (or know someone who is!). I am appalled, outraged, and horrified that the FDA would even consider allowing a drug like this one to stay on the market with side effects like this. And people think I am crazy to stay as far away from Western quick-fix drugs like this...
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
One last post...
I hit "Publish Post" before I was done lol
Meant to mention also that my freaking van got broken into last night! AGH! Jerks. They took a baggie with $150 of donations for a flowering bush that I was collecting for a doula friend/mama I know who gave birth to a stillborn baby 6 weeks ago :( I am so pissed at myself for putting it in my glovebox (I didn't want to forget it...was going to order something today with it) and pissed that someone decided to pick my van out of all the other vehicles that park on my street. I hope the assholes who took it get bit in the ass by the karma bug because that money was for a flowering bush in memory of a dead baby, as well as the tags that were in the baggie with the money that contained words of love and condolence for the baby and her family. Do people not have anything better to do than fuck other people over?? Seriously. It wasn't that long ago that I was one of those punk kids roaming the streets late at night, but I never stole from people. And from a van with THREE freaking carseats in it, for fuck sakes. Oy. I am sad for the loss of the tags mostly...the money can be replaced. But the tags were from several other women who had written words of love, support and shared sadness at the passing of this baby. Those can't be recovered. They can be re-written, of course...but it's just not the same.
*sigh* What the hell has happened to this city.
Meant to mention also that my freaking van got broken into last night! AGH! Jerks. They took a baggie with $150 of donations for a flowering bush that I was collecting for a doula friend/mama I know who gave birth to a stillborn baby 6 weeks ago :( I am so pissed at myself for putting it in my glovebox (I didn't want to forget it...was going to order something today with it) and pissed that someone decided to pick my van out of all the other vehicles that park on my street. I hope the assholes who took it get bit in the ass by the karma bug because that money was for a flowering bush in memory of a dead baby, as well as the tags that were in the baggie with the money that contained words of love and condolence for the baby and her family. Do people not have anything better to do than fuck other people over?? Seriously. It wasn't that long ago that I was one of those punk kids roaming the streets late at night, but I never stole from people. And from a van with THREE freaking carseats in it, for fuck sakes. Oy. I am sad for the loss of the tags mostly...the money can be replaced. But the tags were from several other women who had written words of love, support and shared sadness at the passing of this baby. Those can't be recovered. They can be re-written, of course...but it's just not the same.
*sigh* What the hell has happened to this city.
Spring
I am so ready for spring!! Even though it was technically the first day of spring yesterday, spring doesn't actually arrive in Calgary until late May. Last year we had snow on May 23! Regardless, it has been warm and spring-like the last few weeks and for that I am grateful. I cannot wait for long days spent outside playing in parks and basking in the beautiful sunshine...breathing in the earth, the scent of the grass, feeling the ground beneath me beat with the lifeblood of summer.
This weekend is bathroom renovation weekend! Jesse and a good friend of ours are re-tiling the bathtub areas in both our main upstairs bathroom and the basement suite bathroom. Today consisted of a lot of tile removal (holy crap was that LOUD), re-plumbing, replacing mouldy/mildewy (not sure which) drywall behind the tiles and applying some new tiles to the downstairs bathroom. Tomorrow brings more tiling and then grouting! I was kind of pissed that Jesse and his friend picked this weekend to do the reno, but now I am kind of happy that it ended up this weekend. Surprisingly, Jesse has both today and Monday off (his work usually does not observe holidays other than Easter and federal stat holidays) so this is kind of a perfect weekend to be doing this. Four whole days to make sure the job is done and done right. Today it meant that I ended up occupying 5 children aged 5 and under, one of whom is severely mentally handicapped, but it wasn't so bad. I am currently drowning my residual stress in several bottles of Corona ;) Tomorrow we will hang out for part of the morning, then me and my kids are headed to a birthday party in the afternoon which should be a nice change of scenery. Hopefully by the time we return home all the re-tiling will be finished! I am excited to see how it looks when all is said and done. All this home reno business is a pain in the ass, but also really fun and exciting too.
Speaking of Coronas...man do I have a need for some drinking and DANCING lately. I cannot believe how much I am dying to just drink and dance the night away. I don't do it often, but every few months or so I just NEED to dance it off. I don't really get why, as I am quite happy in my "mom" life for the most part...but I guess sometimes I just need to act like a 25 year old and get my dance and drink on. My best girl is coming down from Edmonton in 2 weeks and I have every intention of stealing her for a night, leaving Jesse with the kids and a bunch of pumped milk (already in the freezer!) and dancing my ass off.
My resolution to not eat sugar today totally failed...I ended up with a lot of chocolate in me...dammit. Today was a bad choice for starting, honestly...I forgot that I was going to have my three plus two more (who are parented *very* differently and are full of sugar and piss and vinegar most of the time). Stress got the best of me and I caved and bought some chocolate and scarfed it back. Gah. I WILL do better tomorrow.
This weekend is bathroom renovation weekend! Jesse and a good friend of ours are re-tiling the bathtub areas in both our main upstairs bathroom and the basement suite bathroom. Today consisted of a lot of tile removal (holy crap was that LOUD), re-plumbing, replacing mouldy/mildewy (not sure which) drywall behind the tiles and applying some new tiles to the downstairs bathroom. Tomorrow brings more tiling and then grouting! I was kind of pissed that Jesse and his friend picked this weekend to do the reno, but now I am kind of happy that it ended up this weekend. Surprisingly, Jesse has both today and Monday off (his work usually does not observe holidays other than Easter and federal stat holidays) so this is kind of a perfect weekend to be doing this. Four whole days to make sure the job is done and done right. Today it meant that I ended up occupying 5 children aged 5 and under, one of whom is severely mentally handicapped, but it wasn't so bad. I am currently drowning my residual stress in several bottles of Corona ;) Tomorrow we will hang out for part of the morning, then me and my kids are headed to a birthday party in the afternoon which should be a nice change of scenery. Hopefully by the time we return home all the re-tiling will be finished! I am excited to see how it looks when all is said and done. All this home reno business is a pain in the ass, but also really fun and exciting too.
Speaking of Coronas...man do I have a need for some drinking and DANCING lately. I cannot believe how much I am dying to just drink and dance the night away. I don't do it often, but every few months or so I just NEED to dance it off. I don't really get why, as I am quite happy in my "mom" life for the most part...but I guess sometimes I just need to act like a 25 year old and get my dance and drink on. My best girl is coming down from Edmonton in 2 weeks and I have every intention of stealing her for a night, leaving Jesse with the kids and a bunch of pumped milk (already in the freezer!) and dancing my ass off.
My resolution to not eat sugar today totally failed...I ended up with a lot of chocolate in me...dammit. Today was a bad choice for starting, honestly...I forgot that I was going to have my three plus two more (who are parented *very* differently and are full of sugar and piss and vinegar most of the time). Stress got the best of me and I caved and bought some chocolate and scarfed it back. Gah. I WILL do better tomorrow.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
*thud*
...that would be the sound of my ass falling off the "healthy eating, no sugar" wagon. ARGH! why is this so difficult for me?! It's pathetic and frustrating.
Tomorrow, tomorrow...new start again. I slipped back into my old ways gradually over the last week or so. Bad bad bad. It started with me ending my focus on eating a protein-rich breakfast and ends with me eating ice cream for breakfast this morning. Yuck!
I post fat pics of myself on a board I go to and I was thoroughly disgusted looking at my naked self like that. The camera certainly doesn't lie. I know I am not in the worst shape ever, but I certainly can do better! And, moreover, I want to stop this cycle of binging/deprivation/binging and self-hatred. I have hated my body since I was a young kid and I don't want to feel that way towards myself anymore.
Tomorrow...no sugar, more outside movement, more water. I can do it.
Tomorrow, tomorrow...new start again. I slipped back into my old ways gradually over the last week or so. Bad bad bad. It started with me ending my focus on eating a protein-rich breakfast and ends with me eating ice cream for breakfast this morning. Yuck!
I post fat pics of myself on a board I go to and I was thoroughly disgusted looking at my naked self like that. The camera certainly doesn't lie. I know I am not in the worst shape ever, but I certainly can do better! And, moreover, I want to stop this cycle of binging/deprivation/binging and self-hatred. I have hated my body since I was a young kid and I don't want to feel that way towards myself anymore.
Tomorrow...no sugar, more outside movement, more water. I can do it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
This Body of Mine by Angela Allyn
This body of mine is not the body I really wanted.
This skinshell is not the stuff of dreams
But it does the job.
Three other people have lived here
A House they were renting
While their own place was built
And we are still having
“Ownership Issues.”
Squatters forget they don’t own the place.
This body never got to be the body I envisioned—
Always more than I liked and less than I wanted
It would have been good to have been 5’8 with smaller breasts
That wouldn’t bounce then sag when I ran.
And the great bowl of my pelvis assured I would never have
A boyish dancer’s body.
But in the end, the shell moves forward
Attempting to overcome any functional flaws.
The lack of a deep plié, a dearth of turn-out,
Completely pitiful extensions, and too long of a waist to grace a leotard—
How I manage to have a decade-long career as a professional dancer
With this jalopy of a carcass is a bloody miracle.
So I point my wagon down the long road of aging
Where the parts begin to fail.
My scars are chapter headings as questionable pieces are removed
For further study.
So far, none of my cellular improvisations has proved dangerous,
But it does put you on the lookout for unruly growth.
And I watch time passing in my structure
In my skin.
This body of mine is not the body I really wanted.
This skinshell is not the stuff of dreams
But it does the job.
Three other people have lived here
A House they were renting
While their own place was built
And we are still having
“Ownership Issues.”
Squatters forget they don’t own the place.
This body never got to be the body I envisioned—
Always more than I liked and less than I wanted
It would have been good to have been 5’8 with smaller breasts
That wouldn’t bounce then sag when I ran.
And the great bowl of my pelvis assured I would never have
A boyish dancer’s body.
But in the end, the shell moves forward
Attempting to overcome any functional flaws.
The lack of a deep plié, a dearth of turn-out,
Completely pitiful extensions, and too long of a waist to grace a leotard—
How I manage to have a decade-long career as a professional dancer
With this jalopy of a carcass is a bloody miracle.
So I point my wagon down the long road of aging
Where the parts begin to fail.
My scars are chapter headings as questionable pieces are removed
For further study.
So far, none of my cellular improvisations has proved dangerous,
But it does put you on the lookout for unruly growth.
And I watch time passing in my structure
In my skin.
schoolschoolschoolschoolschool
I don't know what has clicked for me this week, but I have been kicking ass with my schoolwork. I've finished 4 sections plus half of a fifth section in Midwife's Assistant since Friday! And I've almost completed the prenatal terminology section in Medical Terminology. It feels awesome to be back in the swing of things after having stagnated for several weeks.
Eating today was horrible! I have slipped out of my resolve a bit lately and I need to jump back on the bandwagon!
I got another email from a former client who is pregnant with her second baby. She's due in June and I think I will probably take her because I just.can't.resist :P I have a soft spot for former clients, what can I say lol
Oh oh...little man is rustling, gotta run for now...
Eating today was horrible! I have slipped out of my resolve a bit lately and I need to jump back on the bandwagon!
I got another email from a former client who is pregnant with her second baby. She's due in June and I think I will probably take her because I just.can't.resist :P I have a soft spot for former clients, what can I say lol
Oh oh...little man is rustling, gotta run for now...
Friday, March 14, 2008
this child will be the death of me
in 10 minutes today faeryn managed to completely flood our bathroom with all the water in the bathtub (that she had been bathing in) and then while I was cleaning that up she decided to climb the counter, reach the top shelf of the kitchen cupboards and eat a bunch of fish oils. AHHHH!!! Calgon take me away!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Saskatchewan announces funded midwifery!
http://gov.sk.ca/news?newsId=0a2b462a-c02c-4f62-a3f7-cf0848c0b1b3
Now if only Alberta would get on the bandwagon...
Now if only Alberta would get on the bandwagon...
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Still got it :)
I had the pleasure and honour of attending the birth of a beautiful baby girl this afternoon :) The mama had a 3 hour labour once things got going and she did so amazing! I was a little nervous as this is the first doula birth I've done since Indigo was born 8 months ago and I was worrying that I had lost my touch. Of course I was worrying needlessly and all went smoothly.
I did not do so well in the eating department today...forgot to eat breakfast and then got called to the birth at 2pm so I ate a protein bar and a Lunchables turkey/cheese/cracker thing from a convenience store just to get some food into me so I wouldn't crap out at the birth. After the birth I ate a Vel bar (that sesame/nut/fruit bar) and some dried apricots. On my way home I got starving, of course, and ended up stopping at A&W for a teen burger. Oh ya, good choice there huh *roll eyes*. My justification was/is that I had not eaten enough calories that day so I was making up for them in one small burger lol Oh well. Tomorrow is another day!
I did not do so well in the eating department today...forgot to eat breakfast and then got called to the birth at 2pm so I ate a protein bar and a Lunchables turkey/cheese/cracker thing from a convenience store just to get some food into me so I wouldn't crap out at the birth. After the birth I ate a Vel bar (that sesame/nut/fruit bar) and some dried apricots. On my way home I got starving, of course, and ended up stopping at A&W for a teen burger. Oh ya, good choice there huh *roll eyes*. My justification was/is that I had not eaten enough calories that day so I was making up for them in one small burger lol Oh well. Tomorrow is another day!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Been a few days...
I have been busy the last few days and nights and haven't gotten the chance to come and update. I had a piece of paper where I was faithfully writing down what I had eaten, but said piece of paper has been eaten by my house or something...I cannot find it for the life of me! I slacked off a bit on eating lots and probably didn't eat enough in the past 3 days or so, but I have been very very good to myself and have stayed away from sweets and junk. I am proud and I feel really good about it. The hell-week-sugar-detox is over and I am not feeling like a slave to sugar anymore...that was the whole point of this so I am very glad I persevered.
Today's noshing:
Breakfast - Morning Medley hot cereal (rolled oats, rye flakes, barley flakes, flax seeds and sunflower seeds...SO yummy. 1.5kg bag at Costco for $8...yeah baby!) made with almond milk and topped with frozen raspberries. YUM! A 1/2 cup serving of this oatmeal has 9g of protein in it, and that's when it's just made with water. I've discovered that lots and lots of water (at least 2-3 big glasses) and protein in the morning are very important for me. The addition of those two things seems to make it a better day for me mood-wise. (I am so rolling my eyes at myself, too...I've known all this stuff for ages and given this advice to friends and relatives. Way to take your own advice there, Crystal lol)
Lunch - a romaine heart with a few Lundberg seaweed rice chips crumbled in and some caesar dressing. (Damn you Michelle...you've ruined me for life haha)
Afternoon snack - a Vel fruit and nut bar. Yes yes they are still technically processed food...but it's freakin seeds and nuts with a few raisins and apricots so they aren't all evil! Good fast protien that I can eat with one hand. all natural with no junk either, and very tasty! Again, good old Costco...a box of 24 cost me $14.
Dinner - sweet basil italian sausages served on spelt buns with mixed greens on the side.
I meant to make a lentil-kale-brown rice casserole for dinner, but the day got away from me and I wasnt prepared for it so we'll have it tomorrow for dinner.
I bought some diapers today! Squee! Yes, I am fully aware that I am *so* pathetic. Heh. I had been using the bumGenius 2.0 diapers at nighttime and out of the house with Indigo (they keep him dry and absorb more so he's not sitting in a wet fitted and I'm not changing him every 20 minutes) but my chunkalicious little boy started to pop the velcro tabs open with his rolls! Subsequently, I woke up in a pee puddle more than once recently and I decided I really hate that. Ick. Nothing like waking up to being pissed on. Lovely. So I sold them to a friend whose sister is having a baby, and today I bought myself 12 FuzziBunz pocket diapers. I had them with both Nova and Faeryn and loved them so I know there won't be any issues this time around as well. I got 4 white, 2 baby blue , 2 sage green, 2 butter yellow and 2 lavender . They are sitting all warm and fluffy in my dryer right now!
In other poop and pee news, ECing is going pretty well with Indigo. I have gotten fairly adept at catching pees and if I am on the ball and home all day I can go the entire day without using a single diaper! There are definetely misses and sometimes pee gets on the carpet (or me!), but for the most part it is not so bad. He's so funny...somehow he's associated the "pss" sound to mean STOP PEEING if he's not sitting on his little potty...that sure is a handy feature! I can't count how many times I have been sitting and he's started to pee and all i have to do is exclaim "oh!! pss!!" and he stops until I set him down on the potty. Works for me!
I really need to get cracking on the schoolwork...I have three courses that need to be finished by May 1 and one of them I haven't even started yet! Eek! It is feeling very overwhelming at the moment but I know that once I just get started it won't be so bad. I feel like I havent had time for school much in the last few weeks. Between the doula association dramatics (oy vey), family, house obligations, being on call for a client due on the 16th and a very needy friend who just left an abusive relationship, I feel like I am stretched awfully thin! This week can't possibly be more full than last week so I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Really, i just need to sit down and crack the books, but sometimes even that is hard to get motivated to do!
I got an invitation to a very good childhood friend's wedding yesterday. I am actually the maid of honour (am I a matron by default by having kids even if I'm not married?) and I really need to find an appropriate dress. Agh! I am so not a dress person. the colours I have to work with are butter yellow, lilac purple or spring green. nice. And by nice I mean SHIT. So not only do I need to find a dress that I like, is flattering to my body shape and easy to nurse in, I have to find one in Easter egg colours. Seeing as how I am such a girlie-girl and loooove dresses, I'm sure I will have no trouble at all finding something within that criteria (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?).
Today's noshing:
Breakfast - Morning Medley hot cereal (rolled oats, rye flakes, barley flakes, flax seeds and sunflower seeds...SO yummy. 1.5kg bag at Costco for $8...yeah baby!) made with almond milk and topped with frozen raspberries. YUM! A 1/2 cup serving of this oatmeal has 9g of protein in it, and that's when it's just made with water. I've discovered that lots and lots of water (at least 2-3 big glasses) and protein in the morning are very important for me. The addition of those two things seems to make it a better day for me mood-wise. (I am so rolling my eyes at myself, too...I've known all this stuff for ages and given this advice to friends and relatives. Way to take your own advice there, Crystal lol)
Lunch - a romaine heart with a few Lundberg seaweed rice chips crumbled in and some caesar dressing. (Damn you Michelle...you've ruined me for life haha)
Afternoon snack - a Vel fruit and nut bar. Yes yes they are still technically processed food...but it's freakin seeds and nuts with a few raisins and apricots so they aren't all evil! Good fast protien that I can eat with one hand. all natural with no junk either, and very tasty! Again, good old Costco...a box of 24 cost me $14.
Dinner - sweet basil italian sausages served on spelt buns with mixed greens on the side.
I meant to make a lentil-kale-brown rice casserole for dinner, but the day got away from me and I wasnt prepared for it so we'll have it tomorrow for dinner.
I bought some diapers today! Squee! Yes, I am fully aware that I am *so* pathetic. Heh. I had been using the bumGenius 2.0 diapers at nighttime and out of the house with Indigo (they keep him dry and absorb more so he's not sitting in a wet fitted and I'm not changing him every 20 minutes) but my chunkalicious little boy started to pop the velcro tabs open with his rolls! Subsequently, I woke up in a pee puddle more than once recently and I decided I really hate that. Ick. Nothing like waking up to being pissed on. Lovely. So I sold them to a friend whose sister is having a baby, and today I bought myself 12 FuzziBunz pocket diapers. I had them with both Nova and Faeryn and loved them so I know there won't be any issues this time around as well. I got 4 white, 2 baby blue , 2 sage green, 2 butter yellow and 2 lavender . They are sitting all warm and fluffy in my dryer right now!
In other poop and pee news, ECing is going pretty well with Indigo. I have gotten fairly adept at catching pees and if I am on the ball and home all day I can go the entire day without using a single diaper! There are definetely misses and sometimes pee gets on the carpet (or me!), but for the most part it is not so bad. He's so funny...somehow he's associated the "pss" sound to mean STOP PEEING if he's not sitting on his little potty...that sure is a handy feature! I can't count how many times I have been sitting and he's started to pee and all i have to do is exclaim "oh!! pss!!" and he stops until I set him down on the potty. Works for me!
I really need to get cracking on the schoolwork...I have three courses that need to be finished by May 1 and one of them I haven't even started yet! Eek! It is feeling very overwhelming at the moment but I know that once I just get started it won't be so bad. I feel like I havent had time for school much in the last few weeks. Between the doula association dramatics (oy vey), family, house obligations, being on call for a client due on the 16th and a very needy friend who just left an abusive relationship, I feel like I am stretched awfully thin! This week can't possibly be more full than last week so I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Really, i just need to sit down and crack the books, but sometimes even that is hard to get motivated to do!
I got an invitation to a very good childhood friend's wedding yesterday. I am actually the maid of honour (am I a matron by default by having kids even if I'm not married?) and I really need to find an appropriate dress. Agh! I am so not a dress person. the colours I have to work with are butter yellow, lilac purple or spring green. nice. And by nice I mean SHIT. So not only do I need to find a dress that I like, is flattering to my body shape and easy to nurse in, I have to find one in Easter egg colours. Seeing as how I am such a girlie-girl and loooove dresses, I'm sure I will have no trouble at all finding something within that criteria (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?).
http://theshapeofamother.com/2008/03/i-am-a-mother-anonymous.php
I absolutely love this entry in the SOAM today. Love it. One day I will get the guts and the gumption to submit pictures and something inspirational and self-loving too. I'm workin' on it...
I absolutely love this entry in the SOAM today. Love it. One day I will get the guts and the gumption to submit pictures and something inspirational and self-loving too. I'm workin' on it...
Saturday, March 01, 2008
For Kasey
In memory of Kasey Heger, the beautiful little girl of my friend Kelly who was taken from us far too soon.
Quite possibly the world's stupidest question
(click to read -->)
Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall...
Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall...
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